5 Common Questions Couples Ask in Therapy

Relationships are like dances—they require rhythm, coordination, and a willingness to adapt to your partner's steps. Sometimes, the music flows smoothly; other times, you might stumble or step on each other's toes. During those moments of disharmony, couples often seek a therapist's guidance. At CBT Wellness, we understand couples' challenges, and we're here to provide a safe and supportive space to explore those difficulties.

Many questions arise when love feels strained or lost. Here are some of the most common questions we hear in couples therapy sessions, along with insights to help you understand your relationship better:

"Is it normal to fight this much?"

Ah, the age-old question! Disagreements are unavoidable in any relationship. After all, you're two unique individuals with different perspectives and needs. However, it's important to distinguish between healthy conflict and destructive patterns. If your arguments are frequent, intense, or leave you feeling emotionally drained, it might be time to seek help.

Here's what's considered normal:

• Occasional disagreements: Every couple has different opinions, point of views or preferences. Disagreeing on things like chores, finances, or parenting styles is normal.
• Constructive arguments: Healthy conflict involves expressing your needs clearly and respectfully, listening to your partner's perspective, and finding a compromise that works for both of you.
• Repair attempts: After a disagreement, healthy couples try to reconnect and repair any damage to the relationship.

Here's when to be concerned:

• Frequent and intense fighting: If you constantly argue, it can create a toxic environment and erode the foundation of your relationship.
• Personal attacks and criticism: Name-calling, insults, and belittling your partner are signs of unhealthy communication patterns.
• Stonewalling and withdrawal: Shutting down or refusing to engage in conversation can prevent resolution and create further distance between partners.

Virtual couples therapy or online couples counselling can provide practical tools and strategies for managing conflict. Therapists can help you identify unhealthy communication patterns, establish healthy boundaries, and develop skills for resolving disagreements constructively.

"How can we rekindle the spark in our relationship?"

Remember those early days of butterflies and endless conversations? Over time, the initial intensity of a relationship can naturally fade as you settle into a routine and face life's challenges together. But that doesn't mean the spark has to die out completely.

Here are some ways to reignite the flame:

• Prioritize quality time: Make time for each other, even if it's just 15 minutes a day to connect without distractions. Schedule regular date nights or weekend getaways to rekindle romance and create new shared experiences.
• Express appreciation and affection: Small gestures of love and appreciation go a long way. Tell your partner what you admire about them, offer compliments, and show physical affection.
• Rediscover shared interests: Remember what brought you together in the first place. Engage in activities you both enjoy, explore new hobbies together, or revisit old favourites.
• Try something new: Break out your routine and try something novel together. Take a dance class, learn a new language or adventure. Novelty can inject excitement and passion back into your relationship.

Online couples therapy or virtual couples counselling can provide a supportive space to explore the reasons behind the fading spark and develop strategies for rekindling intimacy. A therapist can help you identify underlying issues, improve communication, and rediscover the joy of being together.

"Why don't we have sex anymore?"

Changes in a couple's sex life are not uncommon, especially as relationships evolve and life throws curveballs your way. A decrease in sexual intimacy can be due to various factors, including stress, hormonal changes, health issues, or unresolved emotional conflicts.

Here are some potential reasons for a decline in sexual intimacy:

• Stress and fatigue: Work pressures, parenting responsibilities, and financial concerns can leave anyone exhausted and depleted, making it challenging to prioritize intimacy.
• Hormonal changes: Fluctuations in hormones due to aging, pregnancy, or menopause can affect libido and sexual function.
• Body image issues: Feeling self-conscious about your body can impact your desire and willingness to engage in sexual activity.
• Unresolved conflict: Arguments, resentment, and lack of emotional connection can create distance and dampen sexual desire.

Virtual couples therapy can offer a safe and non-judgmental space to discuss these sensitive issues. A therapist can help you explore the underlying causes of your decreased sexual intimacy, address any emotional barriers, and develop strategies for reigniting your connection.

"How can we overcome past hurts and resentments?"

We all carry baggage from past experiences, and sometimes, those unresolved hurts seep into our present relationships. Holding onto bitter resentment and anger can create distance, fuel conflict, and prevent emotional intimacy.

Here's how to work through past hurts:

• Acknowledge and validate your feelings: Allow yourself to feel the pain and acknowledge the impact of past hurts. Don't try to suppress or minimize your emotions.
• Communicate openly and honestly: Share your feelings with your partner calmly and respectfully. Use "I" statements to express your thoughts and emotions without blaming or accusing.
• Practice empathy and forgiveness: Try understanding your partner's perspective and the reasons behind their actions. Forgiveness doesn't mean condoning the behaviour but allows you to release the anger and move forward.
• Focus on the present: While acknowledging the past is important, try not to dwell on it. Focus on building a positive future together and creating new, healthy patterns.

Online couples counselling can guide you through the process of healing and forgiveness. A therapist can help you identify the root causes of your resentment, develop communication skills for expressing your needs, and create a plan for moving forward together.

"Is it time to consider separating?"

Facing the possibility of separation or divorce is undoubtedly one of the most challenging questions a couple can confront. It's a decision that shouldn't be taken lightly, and therapy can provide a safe space to explore this question thoroughly.

Here are some signs that separation might be worth considering:

• Chronic unhappiness and dissatisfaction: If you consistently feel unhappy, unfulfilled, or resentful in your relationship, it may be a sign that something needs to change.
• Lack of communication and intimacy: When communication breaks down, and emotional or physical intimacy is absent, it can be challenging to maintain a healthy connection.
• Repeated patterns of conflict: If you find yourselves stuck in the same arguments or unable to resolve conflicts constructively, it can create a toxic cycle.
• Loss of trust and respect: Infidelity, betrayal, or consistent disrespect can erode a relationship's foundation, making it difficult to rebuild trust.

Virtual couples therapy can help you explore your options, weigh the pros and cons of staying versus separating, and develop a plan for moving forward, whether together or apart. A therapist can provide support, guidance, and tools to navigate this difficult transition.

Conclusion

Relationships are complex and ever-evolving. They require effort, commitment, and a willingness to adapt to change. If you face challenges in your relationship, remember you're not alone. Virtual couples therapy and online couples counselling can provide the support and guidance you need to navigate those difficulties and build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship.

If you're ready to take the next step, contact CBT Wellness today. Our compassionate therapists help you explore your concerns, develop healthy communication patterns, and rediscover the joy of connection.